RESOLUTIONS

Resolutions....should we make them? Seems to me we are always breaking them. At least I am. I think this year it is going to be removing things from my life that made negative impacts on me in 2007. That should be a resolution I should be able to be able to keep. Or does that seem like I am starting the new year on a black note? HMMMMM I basically just want happiness for myself and my family. So, I ask what constitutes happiness. Simply for me it is for my kids to be happy and our relationships to be good. It are those spears that are thrown from left field that attempt ill that I want to avoid. Can it be done? Do I cut ties with my siblings to avoid their misgivings? I always wanted a home with extended family, commotion, and laughter. With my in-laws in Iran, that leaves my dysfunctional lot. My mom has long passed, my dad desires solitude and is a functional alcoholic, my step mom cares but wants to be left alone, my brother I think is paranoid Schizophrenic, and my sister an alcoholic. I want my children to know their family but at the same time how I do I explain these bad decisions, sicknesses, whatever you want to call them? What is more important.....family as a whole, the good the bad the ugly or a strong small family unit? I ponder this on a daily basis. I think I spent most of 2007 on this thought process. I didn't get to choose my family growing up and there were things I would loved to have had a say in...alcoholism and my brother being two of them. Morgen is her mommy's daughter. Will she begin to think the same way? Will she rebel? I don't want the same childhood for her. I don't want my sister, who lives with us to instill those same insecurities that cause so much pain. Is my influence enough or do I cut ties? I feel constantly embattled in my brain and heart. I believe in unconditional love and to make my love conditional with these family members is a very hard decision. I just don't want to spend another year in emotional download. Here's to 2008!!!!

(My sister Rene, my brother Mark, and my nephew Brent...Rene and Brent live with me)