Nothing really

I have been so busy in my house with issues I don't care to post, that it has taken the spark out of me to write. I guess my spark comes from happiness and I haven't been all that happy this last week. Let's just say it goes back to my own New Year's resolution. You can go read archives in case you don't know. I can't believe how much life has been sucked out of me. Also, my brother is suddenly calling and coming around and I am ignoring him. I realize he is sick, but between three kids and autism, his mental condition sometimes just has no room. Actually my sister and nephew have taken up my reserves so I can't deal with my brother. My dad asked that I speak to my brother. i will, in my own time. Right now, I need to go buy a door knob without a lock. That will be enough drama for now.

I need to recharge. PLEASE ladies say you can get together SOON. Just a break for but a moment renews my soul.

I am going to go take a nap. I am exhausted. Restless sleep will do that to a person.

JUST BEING

Again, I will reiterate.... Go on spontaneous trips with your kids. They love it and the memories are priceless. I have learned when I am spontaneous, I tend to be more childlike, which the kids prefer. I love feeling exuberant. Today we went up the Grapevine and enjoyed just being. Yes, just being... as in 1. in the moment 2. yourself 3. free. So here's to "just being!"

SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM SO EXCITED!!!! CAN YOU TELL??? FP finally got snow again. We were going to go up yesterday, but no snow. Well, overnight and all morning and even now, it is snowing!!!!!! We are going to go up tomorrow. I will pull the kids out early and we will make it a snow day. They loved it, as did I , so much last time, why not? Anyone else up for hookey? We can met up around noon time and go! Woo HOOOOOOOOOO.

I AM SO FRUSTRATED...

That I have to vent! My nephew this last summer was viewing porn on my computer. I happen to stumble upon it by going through the history to find a website that I couldn't remember the name. Anyhow, by the time I discovered it, he was at his dad's. I had a talk with his mother. Oh, "it will never happen again." UGH. So now, today as an example, while I was out he went on my computer. How do I know? Well I had my suspicions, and Mazda, who was home, confirmed them. He has been erasing the history links. I always know. Simple enough, he isn't smart enough to return my favorites tab back to favorites. He leaves it on history. Today he went a step further and erased all the cookies! AHHHHHHHHHHH, YES, AHHHHHHH, he erased all my passwords. I don't save my pertinent ones, I,E. banking, but other sites I do. POOF, they are gone! I have spent the last hour seeing if I can retrieve them. If you don't restart the computer, there is a chance. Of course he didn't restart the computer. Yes, I recovered my passwords. But now, I can't figure out how to get the dialogue box back up. You know, the one that asks, "would you like windows to remember your password?" Do any of you Gen Xers know? I am going gray sitting here.

My sister just came in and I told her I was mad at her son. I explained diplomatically that if he can't be trusted to go on my computer and not visit appropriate sites, then he was not allowed on my computer. Simple enough. I can't trust him.

I still want my dialogue box. HELP, anyone? anyone?

THANK YOU....

Although I struggle with depression and my thyroid issues, I can honestly say I have never been happier in my life. I look around me and realized how blessed I am. I especially realized this last Saturday afternoon. I was fortunate to have my wonderful girlfriends join me in my birthday celebration. That in and of itself was a gift. I know we are all busy ladies, wives, fiances, and mothers. I felt honored that each of you took the time out of your busy and hectic schedules to join me. The laughter warmed my heart and each of your smiles left an imprint on my soul. Looking across the table was like looking at a Kinkade canvas. The beauty, the differences, the similarities, and the personalities all just coming together to form one awe inspiring painting. I enjoyed just being in the moment. A moment with all of you is a lifetime in my heart. I love all of you dames! You are the perfect fit in my puzzle of life. All of you are my border pieces that help keep my puzzle intact. Each of you has a strength that you bestow on me each time I am in one of your presence. If I only pick up s smidgen of each of your attributes, than I can count myself as one lucky lady! Thank you now and forever for the friendships, the smiles, the laughter, the tears, the vents, the jokes, and of course all my lovely gifts.
oxoxo,
Rein

Perseveration Damage

I am mostly keeping with Tyler's resolution of not repeating. When we are out in public, I am almost forced to repeat to prevent a whole public episode. Not that I care about what others think, but because it can hold up a whole shopping or errand excursion. My quick trip could turn into hours. Not fun for me or the other two. So I moderate when necessary. At home, I do NOT moderate and this is what it has lead to......he tantrumed, saying the same phrase over and over for an hour. All the while he kicked my walls, cried, and screamed. Now you understand why I can't have him do this in my car????

California Title champ 2008!

Not only did Morgen's squad take the state title for their division, the city she represents swept the entire competition!!! This coach has seven squads and ALL of them took first. What a feat! Kudos to the coach and of course to Morgen for a job well done. That's my lil flier!


UPDATE
Morgen tried out for the next level and made it!!! She is cheering with the big girls now!!! WOOOOO HOOOOOOOO

MEAN GIRLS

Are girls meaner younger these days? Or is it that I just don't remember it that well? I was thinking 5-6th grade started the meanness. I guess with 6th being moved up to middle school now, it could start at 4th. I am so against the 6th and the 9th graders being bumped up. The younger girls always want to be like the older girls. Make up, dating, sex, you name it, all starts sooner. UGH. Okay, back to the mean girl thing....

I went to an IEP the other day where I had to address this issue. There is a clique of girls that just lay into my client. She is fully included mostly because she is so socially high functioning. Well that is also the down part now. She is completely aware of their taunts and their meanings. These fourth grade girls are ruthless! How do we nip it now? Once these girls are in fifth grade, they become the queens of the school and only get meaner. Then once in middle school, they use it as a survival technique. Where and when do we catch it so it can be stopped?

Well, now I am thinking in second grade. Why? Because there is a group of mean girls forming in my own daughter's class. She is being victimized by them. The sad part is, I know the one girl is a bully due to sheer insecurity. She has problems, well her parents have/had problems and are divorced. There's a custody battle and it is ugly. Do I call her parents and tell them? This girls needs an outlet,mmmm can we say therapy? It isn't taboo, just a place for her to unload and realize it isn't her fault and gain some self confidence and respect. As for the other girl, I haven't a clue. I am guessing by her comments, it is jealousy, by what is there to be jealous of in second grade? This is a middle class school in a nice area. I don't believe anyone in that school goes without. Who knows! I am at a loss. I just know Morgen gets frustrated and upset by these two.

I do know one way to alleviate the problem. Well, don't segregate the classes. During snack, lunch, and recess, only the classrooms can stick together. So if you had a friend in your first grade class and they are in a different second grade class, you can only see and play with them outside of school. HELLOOOO Why not allow assignments per a grade level instead of per a class? It has been proven those who feel socially fit will do well in school. These second graders are all turning on each other in their rooms. The thing is, each girl has a friend in another classroom, but is held hostage from playing with her. I am on a mission to change this policy. If not the principal, I will go the mile! I am now preparing for battle.....

PUKE

Vomit, barf, throw up, regurgitation, whatever you want to call it. As a mom it is one of the worst experiences with the kids. Tonight, my whole bed is stripped and bare due to Tyler's cookie tossing contest. Hands down, he won. I have a strong stomach and can handle most anything. Hot dog puke is not one of them. Give me a decomposing body over hot dogs. I had to shove my face into my shoulder and do my mind over matter mental chat. Let me tell you, the bigger they get they more they can project. And to think as an aunt, pre-mom stage, breastfed baby spit up was sickening. That is a cakewalk! Those were the days. I wonder if the day will ever come when I say I miss this day and wish I had it again? I don't recall my mother ever saying it. God knows every time she said something to me and I said "yeah right, whatever", well, she was right. So I am telling you ladies and gents now, if you don't have kids yet or they are in infant stage, there WILL be days JUST LIKE THIS for you. Mark my words. Hang in there!

Here's the official modeling picture!

Happy Picture!

These are my beautiful puppies. There is Chocolatte, Allegro, and the other two don't really have names....I call one Em and the other Daddy's girl since she looks like daddy. I would call her Groucho, but she is a girl. LOL

SNOW

I love the snow and its beauty. Of course I don't have to live in it and shovel it. With that said, I went on a road trip for my birthday. I picked the kids up from school and drove to Frazier Park. It was gorgeous! The hillsides were covered in white. It took me a world away. My drive turned into a fantasy of snowy nights and warm fires with a cup of cocoa. Actually, I think I traveled into a chapter of Manhunt by Janet Evanovich. LOL Still, at age 36 I was a little kid again. Enjoying the moment of sure pleasure and innocence. My kids enhanced my delight by reveling in it themselves. Morgen and Takoda argued who's side of the car they should look out for the best sight of snow. I parked and hadn't cut the engine before Tyler barreled out of the car. I had to reel him in for a hoodie, jacket, and cap. The kids were shoving me out of the way to play. Again, I had to grab them to prepare them for the cold. We made angles, threw snowballs, awed at the icicles, ate snow, slipped and fell (not me believe it or not), and packed the outside of the car with snow for the drive home. All in all it was a memory to cherish for a lifetime!

I should do this more often. Spontaneity is delicious. I think as a parent I plan too much and ruin the joy of just having fun. The kids had no idea until we were on the road. These are the memories that will stick in their brains forever. It was truly a carefree and fun loving time. So fellow moms, be spontaneous! It is worth it for the look in your child's eyes.

36th Birthday

As many of you know, tomorrow, the 7th is my birthday. For the first time since turning 21, I am actually looking forward to getting older. The old saying of " I wish I knew then what I know now" is so appropriate. I would have said get lost to countless number of dates, suitors, boyfriends, whatevers! When someone hurt me I would have told them so. I would have enjoyed more and hurt less. And most importantly, I would have cherished my mother more!

Not only does this week mark my birthday, it also marks the 13th anniversary of my mother's passing. I was only 23 years old. To some that is a lifetime, for me, it was just the beginning of my life and not having my mother. She didn't see me graduate from college, get married, or have kids. Every time I have to fill out a form asking my family's medical history, I am at a complete loss. On Mother's day I don't have anyone to chat with about motherhood. My kids do not have their grandma.

My best childhood memories are of my maternal grandma. She taught me how to play trionimoes and with great patience! I learned about yellow tomatoes. I took baths in her claw foot tub. I slept on her handmade quilt and crocheted pillows. I climbed her walnut tree and caught frogs in her strawberry patch. Despite living with her because my parents were in a fierce divorce and custody battle, that was the best summer of my life! She passed away that fall. I miss grandma Georgia!

My children should have those memories. Although my mother and I had a strained relationship for most of my life, I know she would have been one hands on grandma! Her sewing machine would have been dug out of the garage and put to use. My kids baby blankets would have been made instead of bought. She would be the one making their custom made clothes! When I think of their lives without their grandma it saddens my heart. Every child should have that wonderful grandma. My children have none.

Mom, if you are with me and can read this. Please know how much I love you and that you are sorely missed. If had but one more day you would only know love and happiness. I would gladly snuggle up with you and have you read to me. We could do our rainy day library trips. Morgen would have loved to do those with you. I would love to have one more day to do that with you. If I had one more day, my children would know you and love you. If only.... I LOVE you mom!

Rein

TOUGH LOVE

Autism is not an easy street. Therefore, Tyler, against his will, has new year's resolutions. There are just some bad habits that are unacceptable and will not work to his benefit in his later years. So carp Diem and banish those ones!

One, persevering. This drives me batty. I have to repeat everything at least 30 times to prevent a meltdown. This happens with seemingly everything I say to him. Thank you, good boy, good morning, ok, welcome, yeah, yes, no, and the list goes on..... Imagine speaking to your son on a daily basis and having to say everything at least 30 times each time. So, as I type, Tyler is in a throw of a meltdown because I refuse to say good morning Tyler fifty times. He is about 35 minutes into it. I think another 30 minutes should have him calm down. Yes, one hour meltdowns. At least we are not in my car. He is kicking the walls in his room and not the windows in my car. I will not budge on this and God help me. Can we say serenity prayer? LOL, I will be saying that over and over instead.

Two, underwear. Tyler hates clothes. The minute he comes through the front door he starts stripping down to his underwear. He is 9 years old and needs to wear shorts. His aversion to clothes can only cause problems. The neighbors know him and his autism. But when he is a teen, do they really want to see him running in the yard in his underwear? NOPE. Neither do I. Yesterday he wore a pair of shorts and he kept trying to take them off. I won! He went to bed with them on. My big one for doing this, is to keep his hands out of his underwear. Gross, I know, but that's what he does. Better hygiene.

Three, the dvds. He takes them out and plays with them. He likes their pictures. Darn those people who decided to print pictures on them! Plain would save me. When he gets frustrated he bites them. I have thrown out hundreds of dvds. I say no more!

Those are Tyler's resolutions. Of course I gave Morgen and Takoda one too. Morgen will NOT fight with me on homework and writing. Takoda will not talk back to me.

Now, I need to go take a Prozac.......