36th Birthday

As many of you know, tomorrow, the 7th is my birthday. For the first time since turning 21, I am actually looking forward to getting older. The old saying of " I wish I knew then what I know now" is so appropriate. I would have said get lost to countless number of dates, suitors, boyfriends, whatevers! When someone hurt me I would have told them so. I would have enjoyed more and hurt less. And most importantly, I would have cherished my mother more!

Not only does this week mark my birthday, it also marks the 13th anniversary of my mother's passing. I was only 23 years old. To some that is a lifetime, for me, it was just the beginning of my life and not having my mother. She didn't see me graduate from college, get married, or have kids. Every time I have to fill out a form asking my family's medical history, I am at a complete loss. On Mother's day I don't have anyone to chat with about motherhood. My kids do not have their grandma.

My best childhood memories are of my maternal grandma. She taught me how to play trionimoes and with great patience! I learned about yellow tomatoes. I took baths in her claw foot tub. I slept on her handmade quilt and crocheted pillows. I climbed her walnut tree and caught frogs in her strawberry patch. Despite living with her because my parents were in a fierce divorce and custody battle, that was the best summer of my life! She passed away that fall. I miss grandma Georgia!

My children should have those memories. Although my mother and I had a strained relationship for most of my life, I know she would have been one hands on grandma! Her sewing machine would have been dug out of the garage and put to use. My kids baby blankets would have been made instead of bought. She would be the one making their custom made clothes! When I think of their lives without their grandma it saddens my heart. Every child should have that wonderful grandma. My children have none.

Mom, if you are with me and can read this. Please know how much I love you and that you are sorely missed. If had but one more day you would only know love and happiness. I would gladly snuggle up with you and have you read to me. We could do our rainy day library trips. Morgen would have loved to do those with you. I would love to have one more day to do that with you. If I had one more day, my children would know you and love you. If only.... I LOVE you mom!

Rein